Reality or Tomfoolery?

The difference between sleeping in 51 degrees and 65 degrees is incredible.

But that is not what this post is about.

I was in the Prayer Room the other day and a few passages in Song of Solomon stuck out to me.

"All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves: I looked for him but did not find him.  I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves.  So I looked for him but did not find him.  The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city.  "Have you seen the one my heart loves?"  Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my  heart loves."  S.S 3:1-4

Later, in chapter 5, it talks about the woman knowing that her beloved is at the door, getting up to let him in and then finding he had left.  Her "heart sank at his departure" and she "looked for him but did not find him."  She "called for him but he did not answer."  Then the watchmen found her and instead of letting her pass by in continued search, they beat her, bruised her and took away her cloak (was this really necessary..?).  She asks her friends for help and, instead of saying "hey, count me in!" they demanded to know why she wanted him so bad and what made him better than any other.

Instead of sitting back and beginning to doubt her own sanity, she wastes the next 7 verses on him, describing to her friends the very nature, personal traits and high qualities.  She ends with "this is my lover, this is my friend."   These words turn her friends and they beg to help find him with her.

My point of all of this?


In chapter 3, the woman had to get up, out of the comfort of her bed, to go search for her lover. The second time, she not only has to get out of bed again, but she gets beaten up by the people she thought she could trust and lean on for help and guidance.  The only way she can go on is by remembering and believing in the one that she had experienced and known.  *Ultimately, she chose to respond as if everything that he had told her before -- that she was his beloved, his prized jewel, his inheritance -- was reality.  Because if it was, she knew that he would come for her.

And he did.  Right after she utters "I am my lover's and my lover is mine," she finds herself in his presence and him asking for her not to look at him - for a love so raw and so powerful overtakes him every time he looks into her eyes. 


I write all of this because over and over again I find myself asking what comforts I must leave behind for the sake of finding a deeper Love (and trust me, there is always something, ha).  Over and over again I find myself in the middle of everything, wondering where this Man is that I am laying my life down for and wondering if I should be in a crazy house.  Over and over again I find that I have to cling to something that He once whispered into my ear or wrote in a Love Letter that is centuries old - asking myself if what He says is reality or tomfoolery.  It can't be both.

But the thing that keeps me going is that, over and over again, I find Him.  Each time, there is more to lose initially, but more to gain in the end.  And I want more.  More love.  Isn't that what everybody wants, anyways?


*Sentence was inspired by my dear friend, Evie.