Life is made up of promises. There are promises that have been fulfilled, promises in the process of being kept in the present, and promises that are eagerly being awaited.
Because humans are created with an insatiable desire for bigger and better things, we are most focused on what is to come - the bright promises and hopes of tomorrow that will most assuredly make our lives more exciting than what it consists of right now.
I'm waiting right now for promises to be fulfilled. Some silly, some general ones that are shared by millions of others, some so intimate and dear to my heart. Waiting for promises is two-faced. It gives an undeniable joy that only hope can give. But it also dishes out sorrow for the present that it doesn't exist in.
I'm finding that the best way to handle this is to keep the promises before me, longing and hoping for them. But, equal to that, focus on the promises that are in the process of being fulfilled right now.
The present. Something that often eludes my generation.
It's like waiting for water to boil. If you watch it, it literally feels like you're about to fall dead from old age when it finally begins to boil. But if you occupy yourself with other things that need to be done, other things that present themselves in accordance to who you are and your story, you're going to find surprise at how fast things heat up.
I must take life in stride..it is too short and hard not to.
02 July 2013
17 March 2013
Back Again.
I was talking to a friend tonight and he said that he enjoys writing and wants to do more of it. I told him he either lacks time or subject matter. He said both and I agreed.
So, I am about to start blogging again on whatever I feel like. Whether it be deep, shallow, poetic or silly, I've decided to write again. At least once a week. I'm too young to let my life become so busy and full of other things that I don't do what I really enjoy. Right??
I'm climbing back onto the wagon, folks.
So, I am about to start blogging again on whatever I feel like. Whether it be deep, shallow, poetic or silly, I've decided to write again. At least once a week. I'm too young to let my life become so busy and full of other things that I don't do what I really enjoy. Right??
I'm climbing back onto the wagon, folks.
19 June 2012
Aggrevating and Breath-takingly Beautiful
It has been quite the passage of time since I've update..at least, that is how it feels. I can't believe the end of June is knocking on the door and that tomorrow marks the half-way point of 2013.
Standing back and taking in everything that has happened in the past 10 months that I've lived in Kansas City has given proof that the Lord knows me inside and out - my strengths, my weaknesses, my ever-changing boundaries and growing capabilities, my immaturity and the exact rate at which I will grow and learn how to handle things. There truly is a time and a season for everything and for every purpose under the sun.
Back in August, I moved out of a season of living a very quiet and slow-paced lifestyle that revolved around a prayer room, worship nights and working 20 hours a week in a pleasant church office. I had few bills and the ones I had were relatively small. It was a good season and one that was much needed.
Taking a leap of faith by moving out, I also took a big dive into the unknowns of living with someone who was not my immediate family, having to fully support myself financially, tripling my monthly bills, helping with the complete care of a small house, becoming involved with a big, unknown community, etc. I came out with a nagging fear that whispered doubts of my ability to make enough money to survive on my own. I came out with wounds I was unaware of, pride the size of the united states and as an immature girl-woman who had much more growing to do than I had anticipated.
The Lord started me off with 30 hours a week at a coffeehouse that boasted of a small, inviting staff, free lunches and an incredible boss. I remember this being tiring for me to some extent. A few months later, He tacked on a few more hours each day at work, to which I adjusted well.
During this time, He kept me from getting involved with a worship team, with a community or, really, anything else. Though it caused me to doubt myself and question the Lord, I can see He did this so I could focus on...me. Ha. He needed me to have time so He could work intensely on my heart and my mind. He also knew of the theft that would happen in February and all that would follow because of that. He knew I would need that space.
When He saw fit, He opened up the door that led me to baking cakes and cupcakes for my job. This not only invited me to learn something new, but it pushed me to follow through in something and expand my knowledge and creativity. It also tacked on a few more hours at work.
Around the same time, the director of the Hope City Prayer Room who had been in contact with me for the past six months had the sudden urge to get me more involved there. This quickly resulted in me being introduced to a team (and soon a second) and the spreading of my name around the community a little more.
Becoming aware of my physical habits, I decided it was time to change. Eating healthier and working out regularly at a gym began to work it's way into my schedule so I could honor God with a healthy temple.
A little while later, my roommate told me there was a part-time job opening at her restaurant, McCormick and Schmick's. After a few days of thinking on it and praying, I applied and, a week later, started as a part-time hostess.
Two weeks after this, it was brought to my attention that I need to take more initiative as a housekeeper and as a woman and that there is quite a bit of room to expound on in the area of responsibility as an adult in different areas. I asked the Lord about it because, though I knew this was true, I also felt someone cheated because I could see how much I had grown since coming out to KC. He responded, "Yes, you have come a long way. We are just taking the next step higher."
And I am here, suddenly, with all of these things on my plate with the urge to laugh and cry all at the same time. It's rough some days and sometimes wonder what the heck I'm doing. But I'm always giving it to the Lord and know that He is just doing His thing. Taking me one step at a time - some very painful and very aggravating, some easy and breath-takingly beautiful. But one step at a time, nonetheless, because He knows me.
Standing back and taking in everything that has happened in the past 10 months that I've lived in Kansas City has given proof that the Lord knows me inside and out - my strengths, my weaknesses, my ever-changing boundaries and growing capabilities, my immaturity and the exact rate at which I will grow and learn how to handle things. There truly is a time and a season for everything and for every purpose under the sun.
Back in August, I moved out of a season of living a very quiet and slow-paced lifestyle that revolved around a prayer room, worship nights and working 20 hours a week in a pleasant church office. I had few bills and the ones I had were relatively small. It was a good season and one that was much needed.
Taking a leap of faith by moving out, I also took a big dive into the unknowns of living with someone who was not my immediate family, having to fully support myself financially, tripling my monthly bills, helping with the complete care of a small house, becoming involved with a big, unknown community, etc. I came out with a nagging fear that whispered doubts of my ability to make enough money to survive on my own. I came out with wounds I was unaware of, pride the size of the united states and as an immature girl-woman who had much more growing to do than I had anticipated.
The Lord started me off with 30 hours a week at a coffeehouse that boasted of a small, inviting staff, free lunches and an incredible boss. I remember this being tiring for me to some extent. A few months later, He tacked on a few more hours each day at work, to which I adjusted well.
During this time, He kept me from getting involved with a worship team, with a community or, really, anything else. Though it caused me to doubt myself and question the Lord, I can see He did this so I could focus on...me. Ha. He needed me to have time so He could work intensely on my heart and my mind. He also knew of the theft that would happen in February and all that would follow because of that. He knew I would need that space.
When He saw fit, He opened up the door that led me to baking cakes and cupcakes for my job. This not only invited me to learn something new, but it pushed me to follow through in something and expand my knowledge and creativity. It also tacked on a few more hours at work.
Around the same time, the director of the Hope City Prayer Room who had been in contact with me for the past six months had the sudden urge to get me more involved there. This quickly resulted in me being introduced to a team (and soon a second) and the spreading of my name around the community a little more.
Becoming aware of my physical habits, I decided it was time to change. Eating healthier and working out regularly at a gym began to work it's way into my schedule so I could honor God with a healthy temple.
A little while later, my roommate told me there was a part-time job opening at her restaurant, McCormick and Schmick's. After a few days of thinking on it and praying, I applied and, a week later, started as a part-time hostess.
Two weeks after this, it was brought to my attention that I need to take more initiative as a housekeeper and as a woman and that there is quite a bit of room to expound on in the area of responsibility as an adult in different areas. I asked the Lord about it because, though I knew this was true, I also felt someone cheated because I could see how much I had grown since coming out to KC. He responded, "Yes, you have come a long way. We are just taking the next step higher."
And I am here, suddenly, with all of these things on my plate with the urge to laugh and cry all at the same time. It's rough some days and sometimes wonder what the heck I'm doing. But I'm always giving it to the Lord and know that He is just doing His thing. Taking me one step at a time - some very painful and very aggravating, some easy and breath-takingly beautiful. But one step at a time, nonetheless, because He knows me.
15 April 2012
P57
I love Psalm 57.
When David wrote it, he was hiding in a cave from a pursing Saul whose only goal was to end his life. I'm not sure how long this running for his life had been going on, but I do know that when it was all said and done, He ran for 10 years.
10 years. David was incredibly gifted in music, good looks, strength, charisma, shine and smarts. And, to put the cherry on top, he was called out, among all men, to be the next king of Israel. Promises, destiny, vision and hope was heaped upon him in his youth....and just a few years down the road, he finds himself starting at the back of a cave with nothing but death waiting for him. In that moment, his options were to turn himself in and die at the hand of Saul or to stare into the depths of a black, musty cave with no purpose other than the bare minimum of surviving.
And his responds with Psalm 57.
There is a cry for mercy and refuge, a plea for a different set of circumstances. A humility that comes from knowing no glory in himself and trying to hold on to the faint whispers of long-ago promises.
And then there is a revelation. A revelation that, whether king or fugitive, David had a purpose. Once everything had been boiled down, there was one thing still required of him. To love.
Psalm 57. Read it.
When David wrote it, he was hiding in a cave from a pursing Saul whose only goal was to end his life. I'm not sure how long this running for his life had been going on, but I do know that when it was all said and done, He ran for 10 years.
10 years. David was incredibly gifted in music, good looks, strength, charisma, shine and smarts. And, to put the cherry on top, he was called out, among all men, to be the next king of Israel. Promises, destiny, vision and hope was heaped upon him in his youth....and just a few years down the road, he finds himself starting at the back of a cave with nothing but death waiting for him. In that moment, his options were to turn himself in and die at the hand of Saul or to stare into the depths of a black, musty cave with no purpose other than the bare minimum of surviving.
And his responds with Psalm 57.
There is a cry for mercy and refuge, a plea for a different set of circumstances. A humility that comes from knowing no glory in himself and trying to hold on to the faint whispers of long-ago promises.
And then there is a revelation. A revelation that, whether king or fugitive, David had a purpose. Once everything had been boiled down, there was one thing still required of him. To love.
Psalm 57. Read it.
01 April 2012
Corroded Walls
I often find myself slowly picking through a room in my heart. The room is rotten, dirty, smelly and the walls are corroded and there is broken glass all over the floor. Some of the brokenness is caused by me and some have been vandalized by an uncaring enemy.
Jesus told me the other night to be patient with Him. When I'm in these room, I find that impatience with myself and impatience coming from other people makes me direct a full blown attack of impatience onto Jesus.
Jesus told me to be patient with Him. He gets me. He knows me. And all He wants is for me to look into His eyes and have faith that He knows the exact and perfect timing for everything...for all the things in my life that I'm waiting and striving for. He wants me to tell Him that I believe He orchestrates everything in my life at a specific time and introduces everything to me in the best way...tailor made for me.
I do.
Jesus told me the other night to be patient with Him. When I'm in these room, I find that impatience with myself and impatience coming from other people makes me direct a full blown attack of impatience onto Jesus.
Jesus told me to be patient with Him. He gets me. He knows me. And all He wants is for me to look into His eyes and have faith that He knows the exact and perfect timing for everything...for all the things in my life that I'm waiting and striving for. He wants me to tell Him that I believe He orchestrates everything in my life at a specific time and introduces everything to me in the best way...tailor made for me.
I do.
22 January 2012
Weirdly Gone
This past Thursday night, I arrived home, expecting to plug my phone charger into my phone and chat with a friend. Instead, I found a ransacked home with a broken window and a decent amount of cash, my laptop, some vintage jewelry and my roommate's professional camera & equipment gone. Disappeared.
I called my roommate and she came home from school, hysterically saying we needed to call the police. They came, we joked, they fingerprinted, we lamented over the fact that this was the 6th home burglary in a two block radius in the past week.
The only word that continued to accurately describe my emotions over the following 36 hours was "weird". It's weird accepting the fact that two men that I've never seen or met have been in my room and have sorted through my things in my nightstand - a place that only two or three people in the entire world have seen. It's weird thinking that my laptop, the thing that has the past three years of my music, papers, pictures - a compilation of my life - is gone. Not to be retrieved but only replaced by an empty, yet welcoming, OS in a computer body that is indefinitely out of my reach. It's weird finding out how I react to a terrible situation -- slowly, mostly without hysterics, numbly, randomly spurting out confused tears.
Let's be real. All of the doors that I thought once very warm and inviting now seem to be closed against my persistent knocks. Who I thought I was going to be and what I thought I was going to do is completely different than who I am right now in this moment. And something like this, a robbery of the physical and of innocence, is the thing making me stop and realize the truth.
If you want to hide your money well, put it in a designated wastebasket and cover it with a thin layer of not disgusting trash. Be sure to never empty this specific wastebasket and the robber will never waste his time looking there.
Don't live out of fear. Live out of Love. Preaching to the choir, live from Hope. It's the safest place to be.
*I am praying for an empty, yet welcoming, Lion OS.
I called my roommate and she came home from school, hysterically saying we needed to call the police. They came, we joked, they fingerprinted, we lamented over the fact that this was the 6th home burglary in a two block radius in the past week.
The only word that continued to accurately describe my emotions over the following 36 hours was "weird". It's weird accepting the fact that two men that I've never seen or met have been in my room and have sorted through my things in my nightstand - a place that only two or three people in the entire world have seen. It's weird thinking that my laptop, the thing that has the past three years of my music, papers, pictures - a compilation of my life - is gone. Not to be retrieved but only replaced by an empty, yet welcoming, OS in a computer body that is indefinitely out of my reach. It's weird finding out how I react to a terrible situation -- slowly, mostly without hysterics, numbly, randomly spurting out confused tears.
Let's be real. All of the doors that I thought once very warm and inviting now seem to be closed against my persistent knocks. Who I thought I was going to be and what I thought I was going to do is completely different than who I am right now in this moment. And something like this, a robbery of the physical and of innocence, is the thing making me stop and realize the truth.
If you want to hide your money well, put it in a designated wastebasket and cover it with a thin layer of not disgusting trash. Be sure to never empty this specific wastebasket and the robber will never waste his time looking there.
Don't live out of fear. Live out of Love. Preaching to the choir, live from Hope. It's the safest place to be.
*I am praying for an empty, yet welcoming, Lion OS.
10 December 2011
Things Every Customer Should Know
Working at a coffeehouse, I often find myself dealing with people - both in taking their lunch/coffee order and at the cash register. A few months of this and I realize that EVERYBODY should be forced to work customer service at some point in their life so they can, in turn, learn how to be good customers in the future.
For those of you who need it, I have made a list of what NOT TO DO when you are a customer.
*(These are situational to a restaurant but should still be applicable in most situations.)
1. Do not complain about the price of your order when the large menu with all of the prices are directly in front of you, especially when what you have ordered has been prepared and is sitting there, waiting for you to pay.
2. Do not complain about the price of your order to the cashier - they are powerless to do anything about it.
3. Do not hold up the line, especially when the line is out the door, because you can't make up your mind. Yes, you live in America and there is an abundance of delicious choices all around you, but I promise that your life will not depend on whether you get the blueberry scone or the chocolate scone.
4. Do not comment on how full the tip jar is to the cashier unless you plan on adding money to it directly following the comment. There are very few other things that you can say to make the cashier feel less awkward.
5. Do not ask for "regular" bread, 1% milk, or complain that there is no meat on a BLT.
6. Do not make the employee have to say, "Ma'am" with increasing volume 5 times in a row to get your attention. If with friends, keep the conversation light and be conscious and aware of the person trying to get you what you want.
7. My personal favorite: Do not treat the employee like a robot. When asked how you are doing, actually think before you give an automated response and NEVER should you ignore the question and just start ordering.
We are people, too.
I am not bitter, nor taking my anger out on my blog, as it may come across that way. Just making a comical list with a serious edge to it. Take it or leave it, this is my experience.
For those of you who need it, I have made a list of what NOT TO DO when you are a customer.
*(These are situational to a restaurant but should still be applicable in most situations.)
1. Do not complain about the price of your order when the large menu with all of the prices are directly in front of you, especially when what you have ordered has been prepared and is sitting there, waiting for you to pay.
2. Do not complain about the price of your order to the cashier - they are powerless to do anything about it.
3. Do not hold up the line, especially when the line is out the door, because you can't make up your mind. Yes, you live in America and there is an abundance of delicious choices all around you, but I promise that your life will not depend on whether you get the blueberry scone or the chocolate scone.
4. Do not comment on how full the tip jar is to the cashier unless you plan on adding money to it directly following the comment. There are very few other things that you can say to make the cashier feel less awkward.
5. Do not ask for "regular" bread, 1% milk, or complain that there is no meat on a BLT.
6. Do not make the employee have to say, "Ma'am" with increasing volume 5 times in a row to get your attention. If with friends, keep the conversation light and be conscious and aware of the person trying to get you what you want.
7. My personal favorite: Do not treat the employee like a robot. When asked how you are doing, actually think before you give an automated response and NEVER should you ignore the question and just start ordering.
We are people, too.
I am not bitter, nor taking my anger out on my blog, as it may come across that way. Just making a comical list with a serious edge to it. Take it or leave it, this is my experience.
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